I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
