I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
