she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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