Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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