i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
