I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
