They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
