Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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