My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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