You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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