I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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