We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
