Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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