I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My penis needs a shock collar
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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