TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
