This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it's like heaven, but drunker
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
