Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
