Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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