I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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