Your tits are I can't wait for
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
