Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
