Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
