I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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