things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
