SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
God, I missed his penis.
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