I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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