Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize