from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
