the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
