Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
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