my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize