MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
