Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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