the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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