I can text with my tongue
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
