She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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