U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
