I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
