i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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