Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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