good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
