She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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