What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
