whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
