College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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