I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
