Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
