had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize