my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
