Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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