I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Say something about gay babies.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
