The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
