well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize