last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize