good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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