i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
