I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You have to summon your inner elephant
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
