Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did we literally take a cab across the street
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
