So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
