As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
