I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We left the knife in your bed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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