I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
