I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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