my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
why is half of my head shaved?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
