Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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